the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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