the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
