I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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