Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
