guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like abortions should bother me more
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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