New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
