he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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