I cannot find my penis.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
