i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
