SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
