so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
