Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
