I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
