who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
