someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
