haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize