I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
