No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
