just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
