I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
