so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
FUCK WHALES
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
