dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
