if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
no you cant smoke seaweed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
