I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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