Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
