how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i believe in u and ur pee
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