Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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