And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
