Everything about him screamed your future.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
