i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
