yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
