Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
