I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
