what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
