I think my fart just growled at me.
it hurts more in the daytime
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
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