Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
