two words: eviction party
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
