I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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