i think my tv is drunk
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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