i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
