I just pynch a tree in the face
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
