He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
