I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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