I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
