Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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