I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
