I didn't shave. On purpose
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize