Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Boobs speak an international language.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
