Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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