saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
