it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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