throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
