I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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