Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Screwed.edu
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
