He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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