She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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