omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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