Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
