Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
3 2 1 whiskey
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.