Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
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Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
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holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad