And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit