every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
