i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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