grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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