I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
