Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There are leaves in my underwear?
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