Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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