sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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