Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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