If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she pinky promised me she was 18
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
