He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
