i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
