If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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