Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
