he thought i was a dude.
is wine microwaveable?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
