just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
