The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
