if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
