I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I could make wine with my vomit
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
