If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
