I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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