dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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