Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
