She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
