I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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